The Relatability Scam (Part 1)

Remember when influencers first came onto the scene? We were drawn to them because they felt relatable. Then one by one, many fell from grace as fame, money & success created distance between them and the audiences who once saw them as “just like us.”

So why are we still treating relatability as the gold standard for connection? In helping professions, relatability comes with the risk of overidentification: assuming that because you share something in common with a client, you understand their experience. You both grew up in complicated families. You both have experienced anxiety. You both identify as spiritual.

And suddenly you’re filling in the blanks with your own experiences instead of getting curious about theirs. Biases creep in. Assumptions go unchallenged. The client’s actual experience gets lost beneath the one you think you understand.

Personally, I’ve never really understood the obsession with being relatable. After all these years on Earth, I can confidently say that I’m just not a very relatable person 😂 Professionally, my work is quite niche. Personally, my friends will tell you we have very little in common .And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. In fact, the harder someone tries to convince me that we’re alike, the less connected I tend to feel. I’d much rather someone be curious about who I actually am than try to manufacture common ground.

Being relatable isn't the same as being good at what you do. And I think the need to be relatable says more about the practitioner than it does about what the client actually needs.

To be continued…